The Great White North

Not in Canada yet.

2011-08-01T21:06:00.001-07:00

Stopped for yums a million hours into our drive and all was well. We've been wastin time behind slow movers and on road damage and flying wallets and mooses and squirrels but not really squirrels. We stopped somewhere for peeps and met a nice fagala gentleman who make us da cinnamon rolls.

He just seems mad.

Also we saw a glacial thinger an made dork faces.

With respect and affection, from my iPhone.

Location:Darlene Rd,Tok,United States

2011-07-04T16:42:00.001-07:00

My stomach is pissed off. Sorry you stupid baby idiot jerk that you don't know how to process food. It's not like it's your job or anything. Sheesh. So happy 4th of July and all that. I'm writing this letter from inside a lion and it's rather dark in here. Anyway in honor of the celebration I'm not having on Samish Island as is my want, here are some fun times from last year's indie day.

Now, a year later, Meghan is in Mexico and Valerie is about to have a baby. And me? My adventure is almost over. I feel weird about it, your honor.

With respect and affection, from my iPhone.

2011-06-22T11:14:00.001-07:00

Most frustrating phone conversation of my life with a lady name of Autumn Wintersfong (the f is silent) Springstrength. God damn this world is too good.

With respect and affection, from my iPhone.

2011-06-20T00:20:00.001-07:00

I've made a decision regarding my hair. You'll see, soon enough. It's not that exciting but I'm just going to cozy up to a more accurate likeness of my hairspiration: Sonya Tayeh. She's definitely number one on my top 5 ladies I'd be all up ons given a gay for a day scenario.

With respect and affection, from my iPhone.

I was told there'd be cake.

2011-06-10T01:55:00.001-07:00

Beep boop bop. Just ate some thoroughly delicious foods at the roadhouse with Emiry, Libibby and DTF. All G-free yet miraculously unhealthy. I probably haven't mentioned that I've stopped eating glutens. Glutinous Maximus. That means I don't eat wheat butts anymore. It's science. My brain is in my head sideways and I'm so confused about everything sometimes but mostly I feel happy and full of love. Mostly. I wish I had more time to do less things. I think my goal for Sunday is to not leave the house. Unless it's to go to Jeffrey's house to play games. That is an acceptable alternative. Jess? Today I explained to Emily that jess is Spanish for yes. She did not agree with me but that's okay. She has an ass like Beyonce so she can be wrong all she wants. I think I'm asleep right now. Are you dead or are you sleeping? Shelly?

I was making pretend sad Racher faces...

Which reminded me that I'm awesome.

And good looking. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

With respect and affection, from my iPhone.

2011-05-21T13:08:00.001-07:00

On this, our last day justkiddingthatsfuckingridiculous, I would like to reflect on some good times and some missteps.

I'm glad I moved to Alaska. The people, the experiences, the god damned (I hear they have impure thoughts about erupting) mountains and frozen lakes and endless days. I'm going to miss it, despite the small town feel, the lack of cell service, the toothless people with varying degrees of face tattooedness. Pan-handlers who handle pans in subzero conditions. Le sigh.

If the world really ended today I would be sad to have not made it home to see my ferns and famil. I might wish I had told a so and so how I feel about things. But mostly I will regret not having motorboated Zach Galifianskis' beard. Luckily, there's still plenty of time for these endeavors as it is crazy bullshit piffle. As Signe and I discussed this morning, why make such a grandiose prediction set to occur in your lifetime? Nostradamus predicted shit 500 years out and we choose to fit documented events to his descriptions and we all think he's cool. I can't even remember this idiot's name. Only the fact that he's an idiot.

With respect and affection, from my iPhone.

IIII stands for POOB

2011-05-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

You don't know. This week is going to be the workingest week ever. This is acceptable because of I am poor. Maybe IIII stands for IversonIversonIversonIverson! I do love myself and my family THAT much. I'm asleep now.

My girl Brittany inside a restaurant with the greasiest anything that has ever gone in my belly. As Sean Detore would say, "Wait til it hits your ass!"

This is what 11pm looks like these days. This is my favorite thing about Alaska that does not live or breathe.

Pre-Friday the 13th body alterations with the girls. And crazy eyes.

I'm not naked. Or else I am, but probably I'm not.

Machine

2011-05-01T00:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't been updating this friend of mine enough. Here's the thing, when I am being really funny in my mind I am busy doing everything in the world, but when I have tons of time and nothing to do I am boring and lame and uninteresting. It's poop soup I tell you. And the heat is up too high and it's warm and making me sleepy and my sleepy ass doesn't want to get off the couch to turn the heat down. It's a vicious cycle. I'm feeling juiceless and useless. Instead I will barrage you with photographos. That's Spanish.

Glass!

Ass :P

Class.

Energy energy energy!

2011-04-12T01:13:00.001-07:00

God damn already updated this shits and it didn't work and it didn't save a draft because baby Jesus is jealous of my sweet ass for being so fracking awesome at life. Well I have news for you little G, I am unstoppable! If I was an idiot I'd tell you The Secret of positive thinking but I'm here to inform you it's not enough to think you are awesome, you actually have to BE awesome, which I am. Speaking of $25 DVDs I was hit on by a (predictably African American) gentleman who very politely looked me up and down and said 'You look gooooooood,' after not buying The Secret on DVD because it was 'a buck.' I guess I should be more appreciative of the black man's love of my Doncaster <-- auto correct doesn't understand my fresh speak but that should say donc. The point is, I want any colored man with a giant beard and a flannel shirt and thighs that destroy a pair of skinny jeans to be drawn to my donc. Although depending on the next few days I may be satiated for a time. Don't be so god damn cryptic Jillian Winter. I'm gonna.

With respect and affection, from my iPhone.

Location:AHfWWG: Superdome

Ferry Dock Shakedown

2011-04-01T22:26:00.001-07:00

Picture this:Three young hooligans heading home and coming down from the high that is Ben Kweller live. We tossed around strategies of hiding one of us in the back to avoid an additional $7.10 charge. We decided against it and intended to be honest. We pulled up and the teller said, "Two of you?" so of course the front seat affirmed knowing this was obviously a gift of karma rewarding us for choosing honesty. We cruised up celebrating our triumph and just as I said for the second time, "I can't believe that was real life," an unpleasant gentleman in a reflective vest tapped on our window. Big G giveth and then taketh away $7.10. Just kidding he doesn't give a shit. I walked up to the lady and told her we was sowwy and gave her my prepaid ticket which I had forgotten about entirely during the original plan. Anyway, that was awkward but you know what wasn't? B.K.

These faces are also good.

With respect and affection, from my iPhone.

2011-03-27T00:23:00.000-07:00

Nate just said "I agree with you because you're right." Beautiful music to my ears. Sometimes I am head over heels in love with life.

122!

2011-03-15T02:27:00.000-07:00

I keep meaning to be asleep but then instead I'm awake because of my upcoming visitation to the lower 48 and nuclear reactors in Japan. It's a very confusing mess of shit, I tell you. I just want to write hilarious things like normal but I feel like a bog thing. Or one who is feeling boggy. Bogged down, if you will. Literally translated bogged down means you dipped your undershorts in the Everglades and now doing normal stuff is difficult and smelly. I am going to pretend to read and hopefully fall asleep instead as I have a 14 hour workday in my immediate future and a crappy feeling bod (*whispers* Bod Man) in my immediate...right now. Speaking (quietly) of Bod Man, this is the shadow our lampy makes on the ceiling.

It is seriously cock-and-balls ish.

Epi 121

2011-03-07T02:55:00.000-08:00

I don't know why tbtl has such beef with the Oscars, I kind of loved it. I mean yeah James Franco was totally background and low key and there's always a speech here and there that is basically boring but I totally enjoyed the overall experience. I think everyone takes everything too seriously these days. Anyway, we went to the Miners and Trappers ball and these are some pishrs:

More to come, hopefully!

One-twenty I am funny

2011-02-28T00:26:00.000-08:00

The most hilarious thing I said all day, "That is some serious boner kill. Set it up with the shower scene and then just tear it down with pee pee talk." The response? "Go big or go home." The classiness is overwhelming. I am really hungry but I already ate bad for me stuff today and my tummy is mad! Also, I can't believe I never knew the Ave had photo hunt. I could've been having fun this whole time! I'm sure I have more terribly witty things to say but I'm feeling useless so I'm going to go to bed or whatever. I have a crush on every boy. Apparently even the ones who offer to pee on me like R. Kelly I mean Dave Chappelle.

2011-02-17T02:40:00.000-08:00

I just rewarded myself for losing 6 lbs by eating a donut. At 1:30 in the morning. In bed.

I'm awesome.

Epi 118: Weird Dream City

2011-02-16T14:34:00.000-08:00

We were at a bar. The waitress kept trying to upsell me some kind of fancy drink. I asked her what was in it and she didn't know and was mad I asked so she brought me a glass of milk. I told her I was lactose intolerant and that I would just buy her dumb fancy drink but then she turned into a dude named Alan and he was totally not listening to me. I was being smashed in the booth by three random guys and then another two were crowding my brother on the other side. Alan finally brought what I thought was supposed to be a drink but ended up being a giant foam sombrero thing which Jeffrey stole from me when we went to go play arcade games. Anyway then Melanie and I were at the fair and we had to pee but it was raining and we were barefoot so the bathrooms were gross. And then I was at home in Bremerton and it was 10:02 pm and mom and dad and aunt Nettie wanted to go to the Point Defiance Zoo and aquarium and I was finally like, that shit is probably closed. Then I got on their website and they said they were closed "for the season" from February 1st to August 1st. They called it "Autumn Closures." Then I was going to look to see if there were any movie times for that late and then I just said whatever, I had plenty of fun at the fair, let's just call it a night.

Mom would never try to go to the zoo on purpose. Dreams are idiots. Also last week I had a dream I was going to marry Todd and that Mallory was super duper preggo.

2011-02-06T04:09:00.000-08:00

Margaret-

What are you doing tonight, Jillam? Eating fried chicken and facebook stalking people I just met a the bar. Because I'm a boss! The guy in the Black Eyed Peas who doesn't do anything wrote a book. It's probably about how he's confused about why he's rich and got a book deal because he's a hype man who doesn't even provide hype. He is called Taboo or something terrible like that. When's someone gonna give me a book deal for being totally regular and having no marketable skills. For example, I couldn't even think of the words marketable or skills. My mom had to teach them to me just now.

I was going to put on a picture of my hair do because it's hella fly and a stranger told me it looked good and I know it's true because he didn't even see it before. I gotta learn more animals. Anyway, what I mean to say is, I'm going to bed.

With respect and affection,
Nancy

2011-01-30T23:51:00.000-08:00

My brother's unsolicited advice on boys "Just invite him over for movie night and do him on the couch." Solid.

I don't know why this makes me laugh but it definitely does.

2011-01-25T23:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I say things they are undeniable truth and it is so and everyone just says, "Yes. I won't argue, because you preach what's real and word is bond." Like when I say, "She is genuinely unintelligent and sort of a bitch." How are you going to say that's not true? You aren't. Because you know if I'm talking trash it is serious business. I almost never dislike people. Honestly, even people who are severely lacking in any number of skill-sets, I can almost always pick the thing they're best at and let it make me like them.

All I want is four walls and adobe slabs for my girls.

Anyway two other things happened. One I forget and the other is this text message style conversation I had with Harold today.

H- I have the missing disc from your OC season 4.
J- Yes! I will send you the rest asap :)
H- I will pay you!
J- Don't you dare!
H- I want you in my bed.
J- Come into my bed I want to know, know, know you!
H- Biblically?
J- Bicentenially.
H- Fortnightly?
J- Quite rightly.
H- I got a package of Dunkin Donuts and some reasonably priced meth from this homeless guy.

Mmmmmmm.

Epi 114: The One Where I am Confused

2011-01-22T23:00:00.000-08:00

I know I'm a dirty hippie for saying this but as long as people live their lives in a way that doesn't negatively impact the quality of life for others then I don't see a problem. That should be the only rule. Everything else should just be whatever. I try to be a good listener, to understand different perspectives, but the bottom line is everyone deserves to be treated with respect and kindness. Equally. It's a scientific fact.

You know what else is a scientific fact? I'm a good baker. And I love to listen to people speak French. And I love to drink coffee out of my Jonathan Livingston Seagull cup and cuddle up on the couch. Today I left a note for a coworker that said, "Dear Emily, If you were a French boy (Garçon), you would be called Émile." It was true.

I can't find my camera plus my webcam hasn't been doing a damn thing so I'm having trouble providing relevant photos. Boo.

Epi 113: The One Where Olds are Okay.

2011-01-17T22:56:00.000-08:00

Just saw Harold & Maude at Beartooth. Love means never having to say you're sorry for being hella old and kind of crazy. I love love love that movie, and pizza. I also love Cat and Lee and my mom and Val and Fabienne so basically today was really good. Also I noticed that the director of Fiddler on the Roof is called Norman Jewison. Jewison. How is that real life? I have heartburn and I want to eat a bucket of chocolate covered gummy bears but I have none. That is real life. Not movies about Jews being made by people called Jewison. My mom doesn't think it's that weird. I told her she is a dummy. I said, "You dumb, dummy!"

I'm cold.

-1° you are my bitch lover! I don't know what that means.

Epi 112: The One with Washington Time

2011-01-11T03:22:00.000-08:00

I slept for like 12 hours last night. Which was much needed and well deserved but wholly impractical. Now I am very awake and bedtime tea is helping sort of but mostly just making me have to pee. My ceiling clock is on Washington time and so is my heart. I've been smothering my homesickness into submission by working too much to think. I've also got some tattoo ideas distracting me... shhhh don't tell my mom. Just kidding she reads the shit out this blarg. Hey internet, it's happy birthday time for my Harold Anne Burblonc. She's the sexiest biatch I ever seen. She put her titties in my hand, it was weird your honor. Just kidding, Billy.

Epi 111: The One With the Beard Lust

2011-01-07T03:34:00.000-08:00

What are my two favorite things in this life? If you guessed sex and green bean casserole you are probably correct. But in this case I'm referring to beards and tbtl. Smash that shit together and you have a blog post from Jen referencing an email I sent suggesting we photo-document Sean's sweet beard progress. Seriously.

Epi 110: The One Where I Quote Deathcab

2011-01-02T03:31:00.000-08:00

So this is the new year.

Normally I would continue with the lyrics which have been accurate for every new year's past and say that I don't feel any different. But I guess I do feel kind of different, in a good way most likely. I had an amazing night with my family. Everything was so beautiful and perfect I just don't know how to process it all. Standing in the middle of a frozen lake laughing and playing and seeing incredible fireworks no matter which way we turn. The only thing that could've made it better would be if so and so was there with me. He is amazing and all I want is to know him. Not like in the crucible how they know each other, although I'd be totally down, I'm seriously so thrilled just to know him. He thinks I'm cool too.

I decided to start reading again so I picked up Galapagos.

I knew I had already read some and this was confirmed by the cutest bookmark of all time. It made me throw up everywhere because of all the adorability. Blechhhh.

Then I got distracted making a sweet mix CD and updating my blog and taking pictures of myself because I'm so vain I probably think this blog post is about me. "When you're sleeping there's no lonely time, there's just dreams. You can make up your own puzzles." -Dr. Steve Brule

Also, don't worry that isn't actually as much boob as you think it is. It's like maybe 1/16th of my left basooma. So quit worrying.

Epi 109: The One With Chapped Lips

2010-12-25T00:07:00.000-08:00

My mom used to say Chappaquiddick instead of chapstick and I learned recently that Lake Chappaquiddick is where some lady called Mary Jo died in Ted Kennedy's car. What the h, mom? Anyway, it's -4°F in these parts and it's totally effing up my skin and face and mouth and nose. But whatever, it might snow tomorrow. Okay, so one time, I made a painting.

I don't know where it has gone, come to think of it. But nevertheless, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE BUT TREES!

Epi 108: The One Where I am Powerful

2010-12-23T04:15:00.000-08:00

Aaron told me that I do some sort of magical facial expression thing that allows me to walk into a room and just automatically make everyone happier. I don't know if that's all the way true but it's like the nicest thing ever. I've been working my ass off the last as long as I can remember. I have Christmas day off which will be the first time I haven't worked at least one job since my birthday. You'd think I'd be rich by now. It's not really like that, but I don't have to worry anymore because congress passed tax cuts that will save people who make more than $1,000,000 a year like $140,000 in taxes. Which is perfect because everything that the government does and creates and supports is completely free so we will have no trouble working our way out of this recession because life is free. I'm gonna start punching rich people as I see fit. Also anyone who votes yes on tax cuts for the top 1%. How can you be completely loaded in a world full of people who struggle to feed themselves and their families and complain about paying taxes? I just want to poop all over everything I get so mad.

Don't worry, I won't poop on you. I bought Sufjan Stevens' christmas ablum and it makesa me berya happy. I think this herliday is going to be full of tidings and good cheer. I just invented that phrase, it's not a big deal. I am so close to being done Christmas shopping, mostly because I didn't actually get anything for anyone. So happy christmas jerks you get nothing but my love muahahahaha! Buncha schmucks. I have to go to the fucking mall tomorrow. It's like the worst idea of my life but I have the perfect stocking stuffer idea and it can only be executed with the assistance of Edwardo Bauersox. (It's a code.)

Let's go to the mall, today.

Epi 107: The One Where I'm Middle Aged

2010-12-13T03:20:00.000-08:00

So now that I'm 24, and living in the middle ages, I do things like watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid and laugh a lot when they talk about butts. But also, how did they find soooo many awkward and unattractive teenagers to cast in a single movie? Gross. I was talking to Hillary the other day and it was kind of something like this:

Harold - HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN 2 DAYS!!!!!!!!! You're middle aged and my best friend.
Me - I'm living in the middle ages!
Harold - OH CRAP GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!!!!!
Me - That was a close call. Guillotine city.
Harold - No indoor plumbing city!
Me - Public humiliation city!
Me - (tomatoes)
Harold - Byzantine empire city!

I feel weird about being another year older, but I have fun birthday plans so it's all whatever.

Epi 106: The One With Frozen Toes

2010-12-06T03:50:00.000-08:00

I accidentally stood outside Barnes & Noble for 45 minutes in what I later learned was 14 degrees. Wearing mary janes sans socks and no gloves or scarf, because I'm made of stupid. I just got all caught up in chatting with my girrrrrl Shanna. I keep wanting to take pictures of everything to show you but I can't find my camera... which is confusing because I just moved and I went through every single box and none crameras appeared. I did take a couple pictures with my cellular howerber. Lemme splain. A few years ago Luke gave me this little grow your own Christmas tree thing for my birthday because he knew how much I love Christmas and that way I could have Christmas whenever I wanted. It was incredibly thoughtful and lovely and I kept it in its package and took it with me and then yesterday we took it out and dumped in the half crystallized goop and waited. It sprouted awkward little broccoli wings and smells sort of silly but I love it a lot and it makes me feel all in the spirit of the season.

First it looked like this.

Then later, more like this.

Plus I found this picture of me looking deceivingly good.

Epi 105: The One With Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T15:39:00.000-08:00

Today is Black Friday. I work in retail. I probably should leave now. But I don't want to, okay?! So I'm going to put up a couple little pishrs. Yesterday we had the big famil Franksgibbling at Dale and Cindy's and it was muy fabuloso, which is pilgrim for super rad. Jeff was sad because there was no stuffing or green bean casserole (my bad) so we're going to do another Thanksgiving dins on Sunday at our place with just the Jeff and Mels and whatnots. I am very excite. It snowed all day yesterday which was so much better than the rain and ice from before. Everything is pretty :) Lemme show you.

Icicles. irl.

After the family doins the gang moved it on out to the Buckaroo Club and played shuffle board like classy holiday children. They had a whole spread of food out for the customers so a lot of us got to have a second dinner. Perf.

Epi 104: The One With Finally Some Pictures

2010-11-17T00:14:00.000-08:00

We went to a going away party for cousin Michael at his fiancee's parents' house and that shit was way fancier than I am. For example:

Melanie posing on the glass floor.

I would've taken more pictures but that might've been considered tacky. The place was freaking extravagant and I don't even know how to spell extravagant without the little red underliney guy yelling at me, and he doesn't even know that underliney is a word. I really have to go to sleep as I work an opening shift at Barnes & Noble and a closing shift at ye ol' Glaze Nail Bar. Today I was telling Harry about Glaze and she said, "Why would they need a receptionist at a gay bar?" The answer is, "Not Glaze Male bar." I love her mostest. Next song.

Alaska is hella real.

Even though our driveway is made of ice and I slipped and caught myself by punching the ground so now my knuckles are all angry and my ankle is like "I hurt even though you avoided falling!"

Epi 103: The One With a Project Runway Spoiler

2010-11-11T02:43:00.000-08:00

It's three days later. I'm down to $2 in cash of the $17 I started with on Friday and I still have $25 in the bank. I'm going to breakfast with Fabienne at 11 so that'll drop down to about $10 and then I get paid Friday. I need to figure out how to live so cheap when I don't only have double digits in the bank. Help me Suze!

I'm going to bed. In my bed. Rather than on the downstairs couch which is where I like to fall asleep after I open and then try to stay up too late and just pass out instead of watching Project Runway or Conan. I think everyone is really mad that Gretchen won. I thought Mondo should've won for sure, but I don't begrudge Gretchen. I do think she worked really hard and that her life was a shit pile and I'm happy for her that she can start over. I would also wear a ton of her boho crap but Mondo is fucking amazing. Hands down he should've taken it.

Okay I'm done talking about crap that isn't interesting. Until next time, that is.

Episode 102: The One Where I Have $25

2010-11-07T02:18:00.000-08:00

This week I will practice not eating. It's going to be really great. Not having health insurance makes it hard to consider $10 an hour a living wage. Hurry up, January! I want my g-d benefits. Normally I like to fall back for Daylight Savings but this time around it means I just have one more hour between me and my skrilla. I'm basically asleep right now. I'll stop complaining. Don't worry as much! I got a second job. It'll be mostly fill in and on call work which is perfect because I'm trying to kick it full time at the Nobe still. I get to be a receptionist! At an amazing nail bar/spa that is all eco friendly and opening soon. Come visit me and visit Glaze. I'm seriously excited. Also good nights.

Did I mention Melanie and I watched 7 episodes of True Blood today? No big deal. My dreams promise to be fucking weird. Woo!

Epi 101: The One Where Papa Talks About Dreams

2010-11-02T21:54:00.001-07:00

Amy - "Jill if you were a cookie, I'd eat you."
Jill - "That's kind of an awkward pick-up line."
Amy - "I'm not trying to pick up on you!!"

She totally was though. Obviously.

Epi 100: The One Where I Start Calling Them Epis

2010-11-02T01:15:00.000-07:00

I don't think this is actually my 100th entry. I think this machine counts my saved unpublished drafts as well, but whatever. It's a way easier system than trying to understand something man-made like a calendar. Those Mayans were on hella crack or whatever. I'm pretty sure God invented counting, so that's why it's easier. Was that not clearly the point I was making?

I feel weird inside, friends. It's keeping me awake. That's not that true I haven't actually tried to sleep yet. I'm trying to think about what to wear tomorrow without actually getting out of my bed to assess my options. I'm leaning towards pants. Possibly a shirt. And most likely a cardigan. It snowed a little today, and I can only find one glove. The morning should be interesting. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you...

Amy says Happy Halloween!

We saw a good ass documentary at the Bear Tooth tonight. Reel Injun. Peep that shit.

Episode 99: The One Where I Love Cupcakes

2010-10-31T05:33:00.000-07:00

Every one is the one where I love cupcakes. On today's episode, I will discuss the delights and downfalls of taking a trip back home. Today's guests include, but are not limited to: everyone I love most.

Surprising John was amazing. I just wish I could've stayed longer. It's hard to force everything you want to share with someone into a set period of time. I want to be able to call him and say, "What are you doing tomorrow. Wanna watch 30 Rock and hold hands?" I don't think that's an unfair request, but I guess this time I am the one who moved away, so I feel weird complaining. Also he goes SKYDIVING now! I'm pooping just thinking about it.

Seeing Adam is always a dynamic array of wonderful and heavy. Talking with him is always a truly unique experience and it's really easy to forget how much I miss him when I don't have to look at his dumb face. But I guess that's true for everyone I miss. It's easier to let myself get too busy to stay in contact the way I mean to.

My whirlwind morning with Allison, then Jon, Tay, Mal and Rach was most wonderful. Again a group of people who I don't spend nearly enough time talking to anymore. Moving is such a crazy thing. I've been here a little over a year now and I have this network of people I really love and have a good time with and I am so lucky to have found comfort in a place so desolate but now I have two lives. The one I'm living and the one I left. Three if you count the one that happens next. I don't really think I can stay here but I've gotten really comfortable and it's so g-damn pretty. I want to be here long enough for all my loves to come see what I've been seeing without having to pay for a hotel :)

My Mallory is getting married next summer. My Jon is going to Korea to teach English. My Racher is back in school and working her sweet ass off. Harry beautiful and married and is about to graduate. My mom Meghan is going to Africa with the Peace Corps. You're all figuring it out and it fills me with joy. Though I am somewhat envious. I'm working on getting some direction.

Alright, in the spirit of this shit where I talk about kind of real things instead of telling jokes about customers who smell like pepper and women with upsettingly oversized appendages, here are some pics where we're kicking it old school.

Samish Island wit my boi.

SuperBest as the Super Homecoming King

Prom <3

Allison and I punching fists at a Hodder Show.

Moms at college.

Super heroes.

Getting ready for a night on the whatever.

Is that an eskimo kiss?

Hi-Lo's + boys = love

P.S. I am Bea, I drink tea, won't you dance around with me? Also Hammy is loud at 4:30am. I guess it's Hammy Time. Hhahahahahah.

Episode 98: The One Where the Title Format Changes

2010-10-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

My stomach is being a biggity bi-atch and I am sick of it. Maybe I'll start eating better, whatever shut up! This whole living in Alaska thing is such a strange experience because every day that passes I miss my friends and family back home more but I also fall more in love with the amazing people here. I must say I am sick and tired of teleportation not being real. I just have to remember to keep saying my daily affirmations: I love my haircut and I love my mom and I love my house and I love my Allisons. Now I feel better.

Rachel and I decided that ladies who have man feet need to use the men's restroom because it is distracting to sit in a stall next to a man (probably). It's balls cold these days, fall ended in about 8 seconds like usual. They're saying it's supposed to rain but it looks like a snow sky so I'm crossing my fingers :) We are so ready for winter.

I've been doing a bad job at photojournalism since my photographer left. I'll try to do better, friends.

Day 349

2010-10-06T02:58:00.000-07:00

So I just figured out why my stupid whatever day counts are totally off by like 8 or more days. It's because I would start an entry and then go back and finish the draft several days later without editing the title. I am some kind of genius, I tell you.

Day 341

2010-10-06T02:56:00.000-07:00

I said to Meghan, "I might be watching Letters to Juliet (seriously) but you can call j in c." She said, "Why?" A fair question, "Because Renee said it was good." She said, "Next you should watch Letters to John." Aka: Dear John. What a funny fun lady.

Did you know the mattress ranch guy (old spindly legs) is totally bald? He's even creepier looking without a hat. It's too weird. If I accidentally birth an Asian girl child I will name her Knives. I wish I had 365 boyfriends so I could go on a date every day and not have to pay for things. On today's episode: snippets of Jill's consciousness. Avi Buffalo is super good and I don't know why I forget to own their musics. I really want to write an advice column. First I need to be hella old and say racist stuff and then "retire" or whatever Dr. Laura did. What a freaking idiot. My bitch ass needs to start knowing how to be a musician. I'm so sick of not being in a band!

~~DANCE~~ PICTURE STATION

I know she's a brownish area, with points.

I love teh post office.

Sometimes socks are supposed to be seams-out.

I got my hurr did again.

Must've been our last mom drive to Girdwood.

Day 335

2010-09-27T23:53:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure over the course of a year I have miscalculated how many days I've been here by 4 or 5. It's fine, I'm already over it. I need to get my hair did but, well frankly I don't have the cash. Why does making out vigorously have to make your skin act up? What is the deal with whisker burn on your chin, ya know?

There are some fantastic things brewing in my life these days. Also it's basically winter already. My lips are so chapped they're falling off of my face and my tummy itches and my nose is bleedy and it snowed the other day. Snowtember. I have a project to work on and I think I shall steal ideas from my favorite artist. Let me ask you something, did you ever take a run at that Barbara Walters?

Day 332

2010-09-25T02:28:00.000-07:00

Thanks to TBTL for bringing Garfunkel and Oates into my life.

This is highly inappropriate.

Day 328

2010-09-20T03:37:00.000-07:00

Meggy 2 Dope moved back to Seattle. I'm trying not to notice her empty bed or all the nothing there is to do when I get off work. I have heart burn and am suddenly judging myself because no matter the extreme emotion I'm feeling, whether I'm angry or excited or something in between, I am constantly threatening to poop everywhere.

I know that Gina is a totally normal and nice name but when I see it written I always read it like it's short for (va)gina. You would think after two weeks of neglecting my first true love (talking about myself) I would have more to say. I'll come up with something, don't worry.

Tonight at work, Carla said, "It just dangles and keeps smacking me in the face." About her name tag when she bent over to sort gobacks, but you get the joke. (Cock/Balls.)

How much do you want to know about my personal life? Probably less than you already do. But on the off chance it's more, I think we should all petition that my blog be published and sold at BN and I'll add in some juicy details here and there just to make it worth the $24.95 (20% off for members) they will surely charge for it when it is released in hard cover. It will be entitled "Alaska has Burroughs Instead of Counties, Bitch." Or whatever.

I just came across a picture on facebook where Meghan commented and said, "You look like Charlotte in this picture." To which I responded, "Bronte?" And none of it makes any sense because the picture was this:

I also still have no idea what mustachioed Charlotte that ho ass trick was talking about.

And I found this one of my ice cream cone calves because I am an idiot who wore skinny jeans to a pedicure and then actually pulled them up to my knees and then got stuck and had to have assistance getting them back down.

Plus lately things have been so beautiful all I can do is cry.

Day 317

2010-09-09T01:21:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: At no point should any reader be surprised to find swears and drawings of cockandballs throughout this blog of mine. If you are offended by such things I understand and hereby release you of your duties as my follower. If, however, you think I'm as funny as I do, then I think you'll continue to enjoy my musings and related (unrelated) photos.

I've been up since five mother fuckin thirty this morning. And you know what's even less cool? That's when I have to wake up tomorrow, too. I was going to update my blog today after work, but instead I went shopping with Meghan, met Jeff and Melanie's new dog, had a nap, ate an openfaced havarti and avocado sammich and watched the shit out of some Firefly. AND talked to my homegirl Sarah Ellen. If you're lucky you'll meet her someday, she is fabulous and if I was a gay I'd be all up ons. You can tell her I said that.

We went to the fair and I had some drinks and it was really fun even though my shoes got so soaking wet!

There were fries.

Moms ate them.

There were beers and games.

There was Spencer.

Before that I was in the Pacific Northwest.

And there was art.

And art.

And art.

And then I came back, and Valerie made art.

(On my head.)

2010-09-03T23:00:00.000-07:00

You want to see beautiful pictures of my brother and his wife on their wedding day? You want to go to here.

Day 305

2010-08-28T02:45:00.000-07:00

That math might be wrong. I have been remiss in my bloggetry. That isn't a word, shut up about it. This month has been so balls ass crazy. Jeff and Mel's wedding and reception, moving out of my apartment, going to Washington.

Rachel, Mallory and I got unicorn tattoos together. If you ask Rachel why, she'll tell you, "Because life is a fucking joke, so why not get a unicorn tattoo?" This has become the mantra for my entire take on life. Because if it's not a joke, if all this shit is serious, I don't think I could handle one more day. Good thing it's just a joke. You're what? Tin roof rusted!

I am seriously in love with my tattoo though. Not to mention all the beautiful people in my life. "Was he a good looking bastard?" "He was like probably half black and tall and had glasses." "Why didn't you...what?! Why is he not in my bed right now? Ohh, you can't sexually harass customers? Is that a rule?"

Meghan likes to call people bastards because she is one. It's meta. Possibly, depending on what that actually means. I think it's like when my iPod got stolen and I had to buy a beat up nano for $20 even though it was stolen because it's all I could afford.

We want to start handing out beard cards to all men we feel would benefit facially from being bearded. Maybe they think they're at BYU and they aren't allowed to have a beard but if they are given explicit permission they will choose the right and let their follicles run wild.

I was going to post pictures, but instead I am going to bed. Next time, next time.

Day 286

2010-08-09T02:41:00.000-07:00

Last night was rad. Good times at The Ave. It's always so strange running into people I know here, because it means I know people here. Which makes me think I might actually live here.

I hate not having wireless internet. There are other things I could be doing while I update my blog and catch up on my correspondence. But I can't. Because my internet is wired.

KRIS! I'm sorry I'm the worst emailer. I always read them I promise, I'm just turrible at responding in a timely fashion. Please don't feel slighted, it's nothing personal. I never email anyone back promptly. It's like that part of my brain is Hawaiian or something slightly less like a racial stereotype.

We're taking the train to Talkeetna tomorrow. It would be way more exciting except it means I have to wake up in like four and a half hours and I am wide awake. I think I'm still sick enough that taking Nyquil wouldn't be entirely inappropriate.

It's weird. I think that overpopulation is a huge issue and I think it's totally irresponsible to have more than one or two kids, but I so love having such a huge extended family and I think it makes me a way better person. Kurt Vonnegut always talked about how the world is going to shit because no one has extended family anymore. Everyone just has their parents, if that. Children aren't being raised by villages anymore and it's just not as good. They come out all isolated and introverted and selfish. Although there are tons of exceptions on both sides I guess. I just think everyone would be a lot better off if they had a family like mine to teach them balance.

Also, photos from Mel's B-lorette partay.

You could be my punk rock princess.

I could be your garage band king.

You can tell me how you just don't fit in.

And how you're gonna be something.

There are no cats in America and the streets are paved with cheese.

Day 280

2010-08-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

I swear I get sick like six times a year. Which doesn't make any sense because in the most regular of climates there are only four seasons to blame for a fresh case of pleurisy, and in Alaska it's more like two and a half seasons. I have one of those head cold sinus infectiony things that makes my brain feel like that dried up layer of Elmer's glue that five year olds pull off their finger tips. Like if you took a dust buster to my ear everything would get sucked right out and I'd just be a Jill suit with no Jill inside. Okay, that might be a little dramatic. But I seriously feel terrible.

Overall I've had a really wonderful couple of weeks, despite being borderline destitute and totally terrified of spending another year up here without all of my loves from Washington to keep my heart fluffy. Although if next summer is to be anything like this summer weather wise, I will probably cart my happy ass home as soon as break up is through instead of waiting until August. Although I suppose it will all depend on when and if I can get a transfer to a Nobe in Seattle or somewhere reasonably close.

Someone is breaking in! Oh crap, it was just Meghan and mom. Phewf.

Day 275

2010-07-29T02:37:00.000-07:00

I need to stop taking naps. I have to be up at 6am and then walk to work. And then I have a kazillion things to do after work and also on Friday and so on and so forth and scooby dooby doo now. I have the itchiest bug bites. I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to Alaskan style mosquitoes, I just hope these arm ones don't turn purple like the ones on my legs did. Don't want to gross out the customers. Ignore the poor photo editing that led to me looking like a dead person and please focus on the terrible swollen mess on my arm.

I actually like how grainy that picture seems. It makes me feel like I'm in Chino on an episode of The OC. Or maybe I'm visiting Trey in prison. Yeah, that's the ticket...

Anyway, I'm going to attempt to get a few hours of sleep but for those of you who don't spend much time on facebook, I leave you the following closing statements:

Sometimes I look like this.

And sometimes I am super fly beyond reason.

Day 273

2010-07-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

Quick musings from the mind grapes of me:

Naming your kid a regular name with a different letter at the beginning is not interesting or unique. It's made up! It's the same as when Dwight on The Office said he was at the dentist and then he had to think of a name real quick and he said Crentist. Give your children more thought, America. Jathan is nothing.

Part deux

2010-07-18T05:16:00.000-07:00

So I keep forgetting to share all the ridiculous things that make Alaska so unique. I know I've mentioned the toothlessness, and it is no less prevalent. But then there's the overall consensus among the fashion industry that Alaska is happening in 1996 and there is no stopping it. That's why I feel comfortable wearing stupid crap outfits to work, because 95% of our customers are wearing socks and sandals and have mullets and fanny packs and tucked in shirts and camel toes (I'm serious, so. many. camel toes). Today in the cafe I took the following notes: *Socks and sandals, too-big off-white (dirty?) t-shirt tucked into belted camo cargo shorts. *Hawaiian shirt tucked into awkwardly light colored ill fitting jeans, button open (missing?) belly showing, few teeth.

About my customers. The other day Seal (not really) came in to buy "Television Screen Writing for Dummies" or something of the sort. I could barely listen to his indistinguishable accent because I was so busy trying to figure out if this sweaty man was actually Seal (he wasn't). I turned my focus to ringing up his merchandise while he explained to me that he was writing a ~~show~~ ~~play~~ t.v. whatever. Just when I thought this bizarre encounter was over, I was shaken back to reality with the loud thud of his 35lb barbell hitting my counter. He panted heavily, wiped the sweat from his brow, repositioned the plastic grocery bag around the handle of his single weight and started pumping it in a most exaggerated fashion. He explained to me as he walked away that he had lost his other 35 pounder and was going to have to buy a new one. Hard times for Seal. I hope NBC picks up his pilot and replaces Jay Leno with it.

Tonight I had a woman who sang perfectly pitched "dooo dooo deedooooo"s to no particular tune with her mouth completely closed. She smelled so strongly of pepper I had to move away from her every time she looked down to avoid sneezing.

Day 264

2010-07-18T03:52:00.000-07:00

Thing is, Billy, my mom and Grandma are going to be here in less than 48 hours. That shit is bananas. I am super duper excited. Criss Angel is a huge douche nose. Somebody should be like "CHEAT THIS!" and punch his balls off. Gene Simmons is wearing a Kiss apron, what a dork. And Shannon's face looks ridiculous. When is plastic surgery going to be not a thing anymore? Also, when am I going to get to sleep before a million ever?! If I was asleep I wouldn't be watching this dumb show. Oh I remember why this show isn't dumb, because Nick Simmons is a freaking fox.

Meghan and I realized that when mom comes we will have another So You Think You Can Dance enthusiast to watch with us. It's gonna be good times, Matilda. I hope there's something to look forward to that's as good as Alex and Twitch.

Valerie texted me last night and said, "Do you want to try to be a Torrid model with me?" I said yes, obviously. And she said, "Cool, we need to have pictures by Sunday." Uggghhhhhh. Now I'm looking at all of these millions of pictures of myself to see if any are okay enough to avoid having to wake up early enough to take pictures tomorrow. By early enough I mean by like noon. But anyway, I will try to make it happen, because it could be really cool.

Day 259

2010-07-13T02:05:00.000-07:00

Corrie's friend Anne is getting married, so there was a bachelorette party. Melanie made vegan cupcakes and we had to practice drawing frosting peeners.

I helped by being the canvas.

It was 80's themed.

Melanie made us moustaches.

Then she painted my arm up.

And then glitter letters are hilarious.

(I'm classy.)

Day 254 ish

2010-07-08T03:06:00.000-07:00

My arms are cold but my face is hot, my neck and nose are itchy beyond reason, I'm feeling inexplicably anxious and I am not even tired really at all. AND I should really wash my feet. I'm even biting my nails which is so not a thing I do! So anyway we went to a park the other day and there was this weirdo baby statue.

She said "Look what I can do!"

I said, "Baby, you think you're hot shit on a silver platter but you're just cold diarrhea on a paper plate because I can hella do that just as good and I ain't even a dumb baby statue!"

Ftw.

On the 6th day (in 1492) God created America, to which Native Americans responded:

SPARKLERS!

And then Harry Potter said "Expecto Patronum!"

And I'm crazy like the rest of us.

Ben's got talent...

2010-07-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

AND he's American. Please vote for him. Rumor is you must have a youtube account to do it but it's free and easy and they don't spam you. Voting ends Sunday so get on it! Please and thank you.

Day 246 in a collector's series

2010-06-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

Last night we went to Monster Movie Monday with our new friend Valerie and her fabulous companions. We were feeling super lame and almost didn't go but we sucked it up and boy are we glad we did! I was going to post pictures but I look like a boy in all of them. So I'll show you some other junk instead.

The handle on our bath tub broke.

So we waited 6 days and then got right to it.

With only primitive tools and sheer will power.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

Case closhed.

We've been listening to so much TBTL lately and pretty much everything we say has to do with something Luke or Jen said (sorry Sean, you've been MIA lately, and I don't mean that scary bitch who gives out journalists' phone numbers) and I always say things like "I'm gonna email Luke about this and he'll want to be friends with us" and Meghan is like "YEAH!" but then I never do it because I know he gets tons and tons of emails from really cool people. Meghan suggested we just go to Arrested Development trivia night sometime when we're back in Seattle and then just casually run into him and tell him how sorry we are that everyone with a segway is too big a diaper bag to rent him one. I also feel like d-bag is a fine substitute for douche bag because the d can stand for anything at all. Diaper is really funny but I'm partial to dick myself. That's what she said. I really need a nap.

Day 239

2010-06-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or does this soccer game have more nudity than most? Be not afraid of greatness! Oh bad movies, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways! One Mississippi, two Mississippi...

Oh balls we have done some fun. Devan was gone for awhile for his brother's wedding and his birthday. We missed him a lot so we made him a cake and played with the boys till the wee hours.

First, Devan came home.

Chris helped decorate for the party.

Austin likes the stout cake.

I said "Mom I want some cake too!"

She begrudgingly complied.

The next day we took our first trip to the valley.

We stopped to visit an old bridge.

The sun made for good tar chewing.

How close are we to Palmer? Four thirds.

Spencer showed us some muddy river bed action.

Somebody's boots.

Bottle opener.

Hey Alaska, happy Solstice!

Party time.

Excellent.

The end's not ner, it's her.

Day 233 (in a collector's series)

2010-06-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

Work has been going by so fast the last couple days. I don't love waking up that early but it's not so bad. I get home before five, it gives me a chance to have some mom alone time and to think about doing the dishes or washing my feet. I ordered a CD today even though I can't really afford it. But I'm so excited to have it and I think it's important to do things that make me hap-hap-happy.

Like when I find frog tape and make a hat.

Or when I go to look through the movies and I see Cranston.

And when I'm on my way to the bathroom and I see our list of made up words for the future dictionary we're creating, it's written on see through paper because it's from the future. And it's okay if you can't quite read it because it won't be published for another 30 years, and it's okay if it's riddled with spelling errors because it won't be copy edited for another 30 years and by then that's probably how we're gonna spell stuff anyway. It's science.

Or when I go to have a bowl of Rice Crispies and I remember that Meghan+Jill=Sarah Synthia Sylvia Stout version 1.2 (recycling).

When I'm feeling all feelingy and spiritual I like to hang out with Jason Webley by reading his stories.

Day 226

2010-06-10T03:39:00.000-07:00

Nectarines smell like nectarines.

I'm also going down to the computer center to send you electronic mail. When I was growing up, mom used to always put baking soda in her shoes to make them less stinky. They'd just be chillin wherever about the house with all that junk soakin up that funk. So I tried it in my shoes. And not only do they smell just as bad, but now the baking soda remnants make a foot sweat paste when I wear them. It's just the worst.

L. Gaga released a video for Alejandro. It's weirder than the other ones because she did a few more sort of normal things. And then also some more other weirder ones. Also she doesn't really look like her. I'm confus.

Sandwiches are strong these days!

Day 223

2010-06-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd spend this lazy Sunday taking pictures of myself as it is one of my favorite and most egocentric past times. I have fun.

Sometimes (every time I go out basically) I like to put on a headband and some glow stick earrings. It's not a big deal. It's just how I roll.

My haircut is fabulous. You can only sort of tell from this one, but it is. I proms.

Gaga hand!

Day 219

2010-06-03T04:15:00.000-07:00

Oh man, we have good times. Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks? I'm enjoying work still, this is good news. I am enjoying Meghan more and more every day and now Cat is in town and so is Amy and my mom is coming soon and Jeff and Mel are getting MARRIED and I am really loving things. But not the mosquitoes, those mother fuckers are getting huge and even when they aren't biting me I'm itchy simply from knowing they exist. Sons of bitches anyhow.

So listen, I know my hair is already cute and I'm out of money but I'm getting a haircut tomorrow at a real salon and I'm excited. I wouldn't have made the appointment if I knew the bank was gonna s d's instead of processing Meghan's paycheck on Friday, but I don't want to cancel because I'm so looking forward to it and big G made credit cards with 8.22% for a reason.

I slept for 14 hours last night, America. And so now I am awake. Probably for the rest of forever.

Take a picture, trick. I'm on a boat, bitch.

It's just kind of like a ferry.

Adventure time! (Plus boys.)

Life is a highway and I'm gonna ride it.

Georgia O'Keefe ain't got shit on this rock monument to lady bits.

Day 211 (Made up, not true.)

2010-05-28T13:17:00.000-07:00

Good news, America. We have some friends. They're boys. Lord knows I love having boys around. Like seriously, I don't know how I survived the last six months without excessively loud and inappropriate conversations. People snoring and getting schwastey and yelling swears. But this time around they are boys who like the same things as me. That almost never happens. Score one team Alaskan summer.

I started this post several days ago and then did a hundred things instead of posting it. We had to slam together Jeff and Melanie's wedding invitations and then also do lots of really fun things with our new friends. Yesterday was Mel's birthday and it was almost entirely fun. Sometimes people drink too much and then Iversons have to be the responsible grown ups and then I have to wake up at 6:30 to make sure a stupid boy goes to stupid work even though he's a stupid grown up and should be making better decisions for himself. Ugh.

Anyway! We're going to Girdwood and the Kenai Fjords on Monday/Tuesday. I am so excited.

This is what midnight looks like. Midnight thirty even.

I really want this bag. I will get it. But not until I learn how to spend money in more practical ways. I bought a book to help teach me. I'm trying.

Sometimes I have glowstick earrings and my hairs look cute-ish.

Brunch with Austin and Devan (respectively) and Mike and Meghan and Chris (disrespectively.)

Day 203

2010-05-16T17:17:00.000-07:00

I need to take a friggin shower! Don't tell me how to live my life! I just slept for way too long. But I think I needed it because I was really sick yesterday and I'm trying not to be okay?! Sheesh. I really need a duvet cover but I also really need to not spend any money because I'm going to have to start paying rent soon. I just accidentally watched that movie where Katie Holmes plays the president's daughter. First Ho or whatever it's called. We were just talking the other night about how she's a crappy actress. That's the kind of stimulating conversation that goes on outside the Buck.

We had fun.

Day 196

2010-05-09T00:33:00.000-07:00

Usually I would be writing about the day that just finished and that would be Day 195 but you know what?! Day 196 is WAY more important because it's mofuckin mother's day. All of the best ladies are on SNL right now, I'm pretty sure they're doing it just for you mom. Maya Rudolph, Ana Gastyre, Molly Shannon. They did NPR ladies! Good times, yeah. Good times. All for you. So is all this junk:

I forgot to take out my septum ring before the shoot.
MY BAD.
But I'm being pensive as it is your favorite pose!

Also Alicia Keys (or somebody else?) is wearing a really short dress for you, and Nana said, "I can almost see her coot," to which I responded, "Did you just say poop?" We have fun but it's all thanks to you. If I had a million dollars I'd buy you a fur coat but not a real fur coat that's cruel. Or else no kind of fur coat because shit's tacky. Have I told you lately that I love you? Oh man I do. You're so the funniest person I know and even when you get all overwhelmed and feel sort of balls crazy you're still amazing and make everyone's lives better.

We are basically the same person and we have the same face
and I am so thankful for both of those things.

Except you got those hot gams.

Meghan is a trickster and she made this pishr that might make the average eye-haver believe that I too have normal-ish sized legs.

Also Target said WOWMOM and we concur.

I can't wait for you to be here so we can both have Alaskan adventures. So we can have pribacy together. Best mom evar. Happy day to you.

All day erry day.

Day 193

2010-05-07T03:31:00.000-07:00

Why do I love Justin Bieber so much? I'll tell you why. One word: Cardigan.

Baby baby baby, oh like baby baby baby oh! Lyrical genius. For some reason whenever I tell people that all Mormons love lemon bars they tell me that all people love lemon bars like it some how makes it less hilarious that all Mormons do too. Some people!

P.S.

Day 190

2010-05-03T23:35:00.000-07:00

You think I'm kidding? I'm so not kidding. This shit is real.

Mom and I are going to watch How I Met Your Mother and go to sleepy times because we have to get up at 6 m-f ing a.m. I don't know what a.m. stands for. After math? All morning. Around monkeys. Always milksteaks. Automated mango. Alcoholic mothers?

The end.

Day 185

2010-04-29T03:10:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Meghan and I are going to do artsy things and laundry and then go to Felix and read books and be cute (like we can help it!) and we're going to go on a lil walk and be awesome and watch How I Met Your Mother and be legen...wait for it...dary! Legendary. That makes me want to play laser tag and drink beers.

Uncle Mark told Meghan that she and I look like we could be related. I told her he's probably just confused because we both have nose piercings. But she pointed out that our hair is basically the same now. Good point, mom.

Day 183

2010-04-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

Ahh! I've been slacking. So there was snow, and then it was gone, and then it rained and then this happened:

I'm not sure if you can tell but some of those snow flakes are like half dollar sized. It was one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever witnessed irl. I forget that sometimes I say things that make sense to me but maybe Aunt Sue and Kris and whomever else actually reads this business might not know wtf I'm talking about. In these instances I implore you to use one of my favorite resources to assist you. If you aren't careful you may come to know things that no person should ever know, but if you just look up words, phrases and acronyms as you see them you should be safe. If the definition has a lot of thumbs up(s?) you can be sure it's at least sort of accurate. I digress...

The next day things looked more like this way again:

So I bought some springy time shoes!

Oh yeah, MEGHAN WILL BE HERE IN 4 HOURS AND 12 MINUTES!!!! Nbd.

Day 172

2010-04-16T01:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got up to go to work (at like 2 pm) and this is what I found.

Everyone said it would snow again before the break up was done, but I was hoping with how mild the winter supposedly was, they would be wrong. They were not wrong! Damn foot and a half of snow. The roads stayed pretty clear but my driveway was the tits to get out of.

Jeff and I bought baseball mitts and soft balls today. Mitts? That's weird. I would've thought mits. Anyway, we played catch in the back yard and now I'm really sore. Plus I had to wear Jeff's Romeo's (clown shoes) because I didn't want to go all the way home for boots. If I knew anything I'd just leave my damn boots in my car. Anyway, I'm awesome. So is Jeff's peewee baseball hat.

Day 170

2010-04-14T03:50:00.000-07:00

Being vegan again started yesterday. At first my stomach was like "what up?!" and now it's like "oh right I remember how much better this feels, thank you." Meghan is coming in T-13 days. Sometimes my text messages fill up in like three days. Which so so weird considering the first phone I had only held 50 messages in the inbox and then it would just not accept messages once it was full up. This phone holds more than 300. And I saw a thing in a magazine about a projector that uses infrared to turn the projection into a touch screen. And don't even get me started on the large hadron collider. The advancements in technology are so great and hard to fathom it makes me feel like life isn't real. She says as she types on her laptop and posts to an imaginary place where everyone can see even though they are all scattered about. Spring is basically here. Things just melt really slowly and then at night all the melty stuff turns into slippery. The melty man cometh. People still aren't washing their cars because it hasn't rained enough to wash away all the dust so there really is no point. Alaskans embrace their filthy cars.

Also I saw this bread and immediately thought of how much my mom would hate it so I sent her a picture. She said, "What, are you trying to kill me?!"

Also day 162

2010-04-06T00:52:00.000-07:00

I hate leaving things on a pissy baby note. The evening ended up being pretty dang good with a visit to Cafe Felix and grub with Stacey and Jeff PLUS I got to talk to John Emile Olson III and Hillary Ann(e) Burblonc Carman, Esq. so those things made me feel more good. More gooder. And I bought another book today even though I really shouldn't have because I'm still trying to get through Youth in Revolt but oh well I did it anyway. It was peer pressure I tell you! I want to eat things but to tell the truth being non vegan for 24 hours has just made my tummy box do the worst things. Just the worst. I'm serious. I think it's important for my health that I revert immediately to my pious and pretentious Lenty (Lental?) ways. I need to start cooking. I am too lazy. I need to invite that boy over for vegan cuisine and some Flight of the Conchords. Too bad I am a big wing flapping chicken. Quit flapping your wings, chicken! You can't even fly! Pffffft. Chickens are so stupid.

Day 162

2010-04-05T17:26:00.000-07:00

Easter sucks. I almost never get sad during the day so I feel really unsure how to proceed. I need to feel better by the time I pick Stacey up and I can't nap because I have to open tomorrow and I need to be able to fall asleep at a reasonable hour tonight. I've been really stressing lately. I'm relieved that Kris With a K is doing better but still a little freaked out. I just want to hug my mom, ya know? Sometimes it's really terrible being away from the people you love and not having the means to be where they are. It'd be different if I felt like going home was an option, but it isn't. Not for a long while. I have too many big decisions to make this summer and they all seem so much bigger when I'm sitting here by myself. When my moms come everything will feel lighter. I'm counting down the days.

Day 155

2010-03-30T02:44:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to Alaska. As soon as things start to melt I get a crazy red left eye situation, plus hives, plus congestion, plus my face breaks out. All of these things seem to be clearing up so perhaps my system is a good adapter? Or else it was all brought on by my vegan diet and lack of supplements or maybe I'm a stress ball, subconsciously. Who even knows? Anyway, when my eye looked like this:

naturally I asked everyone if they bare ass farted on my pillow. No one fessed up.

Now that I'm vegan even if I'm running late for work I have to throw some lunch type things together because the only things I can eat at work are kettle chips and bagels, and once or twice a week there's a garden vegetable soup that manages to be cheese free. So last week I grabbed a bunch of junk and when it came time for grub I says to it I says:

"Lunch...

...ASSEMBLE!"

Also remember Melanie's hair?

She donated it.

Day 152

2010-03-26T17:49:00.000-07:00

My mom Meghan is coming in one month! It's the final countdown!!!! And then my blood mom (Mary) is coming in July! I'm pretty sure anyway. It's hard to tell because she never has time to talk to me JEEZ! Anyway, these are some people:

Day 150

2010-03-25T02:40:00.000-07:00

So. I came back to Alasky and worked for seven days straight. Full days, too. Except for one where I went home early but I was super sick. I'm actually sick again, but this time it's in my nose and throat instead of my stomach so I can handle it. These opening and closing shifts go by really fast for me. I think it's a good fit, me and the head cashiering. Tomorrow I think I will sleep until that bitch face Ellie wakes me up with her bitch face barking and then I will do some laundry, eat an english muffin and watch The Office until it's time to go loiter at Cafe Felix. Then I'm finally hanging out with Stacey. She's my Alaska bestie and I haven't seen her since I've been back from Washington, no bueno.

I have post nasal drip in my right nose hole and it's muy inconveniente ala my septum ring. Which reminds me! Mark noticed it today and said, "When did you get a nose ring? It looks like there's boogers on it." I said, "No boogers, just little metal balls." And he said, "Right, that's what I mean, metal boogers." Mark makes me lol. Earlier at work Mike was humming Deck the Halls and ever since then I've had Here Comes Santa Claus stuck in my head. Brains are stupid.

I'm very hives-y. When we go shopping with the money that we got from The Hartford when that lady backed into the Saturn I'm going to get hella supplements. Including alfalfa. Which should help with all the itchies. As promised, some more pishrs.

Home from work, feelin haggard. (Hagrid)

I've been reading Lenny Bruce is Dead by Jonathan Goldstein and I really love it, but I haven't the slightest clue what it's about. It's very confus. HAND LOTION TIME! I'm with Coco. < /random snippets of thought>

Adam Bates!

Sick sickies.

Beatiful Chelsea face.

Plan B is a bad name for a fun bar.

Lob.

First day of school for the creepiest doll ever!

Adam is a good pishr takr.

Day 144

2010-03-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Anchorage and a fully committed twigs and berries eater but I'm not keeping track of those days anymore because I'm going to continue being hella vegany for as long as feels prudent (excluding major food related holidays and the ensuing candy for the weeks following). I had so much heart splattering fun back home. Don't worry Washington, I'll come back to you soon enough. Since it's been so long since our last visit I will provide some little treats for your peepers commonly known as pictures. Or as second grade Mindy would call them: pishrs.

Nerd love.

Anthony's parking garage, h-cap pizza.

My girlf.

Grown-ups don't like septum piercings.

But I know I'm fly.

Back in Alaska...project time.

Makes me hate vanity plates like 2% less.

WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?!

And just in case anyone was going to try to accuse me of becoming lackadaisical about Lady Gaga, I give you burning cigarette glasses from the Telephone video (L. Gaga et Beyonce)

The next entry will have fun time pictures from my B-ham visit. I'd do it now but I'm just too damn tired! It's so damn hot...milk was a bad choice.

2010-03-08T09:59:00.000-08:00

I don't know what day it is but it doesn't matter because I'm not in Alaska and I'm not Vegan. But I decided as long as I'm in Alaska I'm going to be as Vegan as possible. Don't worry though while I'm in Washington I'mma eat HELLA. I love being home. I just want to stay. Le sigh. Bellingham tomorrow.

Day 129 (Alaskan) Day 12 (Vegan)

2010-03-02T02:44:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep ever. Closing then having a day off then opening is just enough to totally wonk up my sleeping schedule which was hardly wonkless in the first place. Did you know that this computer machine thinks that wonk is a word but knows that wonkless isn't? Weird. I can't stop listening to ~~gay~~ sappy love music. That's stupid. I seriously have to wake up in less than four hours. I'm an idiot jerk. I watched about 14 episodes of The Office today, but Stacey came over and I did laundry, cleaned my room and did the dishes so I still managed to feel accomplished even though I spent like 5 hours in bed after I woke up. I wonder why I can't sleep. Who's the goose? Me!

Day 126 (Alaskan) Day 9 (Vegan)

2010-02-26T20:35:00.000-08:00

9 days hungry, 0 pounds lost. Stupid stupid lame sauce. You know what's even stupider? (I know stupider isn't a word SHUTUP!) I'll show you what's even stupider:

Yeah. That's right. I'm broke as crap and I owe the IRS $134.93 of my vegan grocery money. Bastards. Ross just came in and sprayed a bunch of garbage all over himself and my life (Axe body spray maybe?) and then he left. Now I'm choking and dying and poor and have a headache blaaaaaaarrrrggggg. But I'm coming home a week from tomorrow! I'm too excited.

Day 122 (Alaskan) Day 5 (Vegan)

2010-02-23T02:11:00.000-08:00

These eggs are fucked up!

My nightstand featuring Lady Gaga.

Out my window yesterday.

Omg romper. Don't worry I didn't buy it.

It seems I can be peer pressured from 2500 miles away.

Day 117 (Alaskan), Day 1 (Vegan)

2010-02-17T22:15:00.000-08:00

Being a vegan just makes me want to make fun of myself and have to poop but I just found out my cholesterol is 222 so I think this is good timing for a diet of twigs and berries. Olympic speed skating relays are weird. They're just skating around in circles and pushing on each others' bums. All I ever want to do is watch curling. Also maybe another thing but that is not appropriate conversation for such a classy blog. Apolo Ohno's chin thinger is stupid looking, but I'd still hit that. YEAH I SAID IT'S CLASSY!

P.S. My Uncle Mark is like the Michael Scott of real life email forwards.

EDIT:

Lovelovelovelove.

Papa don't preach, I'm keeping my baby. I shall call her Harold.

Maggie Gylenhaal (hammy version) can do things.

Day 115

2010-02-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

I keep seeing the license plate PEWPEW in the B&N parking lot. I think/hope it might be an employee because it's there a lot, sometimes early in the morning. And it's awesome so I hope it's someone I know. Tomorrow is Fat Tuesday/Dad's death day. I think we're going to eat steaks because (1)they are delicious and (2)we're going vegan for Lent. That means no eating any of the following delicious products:

Breakfast.

Lunch.

Libation.

aka tasty bev

Dins.

Dessert.

My guess for weight-loss via Veganism is at least a half pound per day. I'mma be lookin fly by Easter. You're welcome, Jesus.

Day 114

2010-02-15T00:39:00.000-08:00

Friday night I went with a bunch of fabulous work friends to see the diva show downtown at Mad Myrna's. I had a super wonderful time and I blinded everyone taking Vivitar pictures but I'm too lazy to get them developed in a timely fashion so I only have one picture from that evening to share. I also got to talk to Luke for like an hour which is possibly a record and even though he was playing Bad Company (2?) it was still really nice to talk to him. Yesterday was also super fun, I slept in (obviously) and then Jeff, Mel and I went to Snow City and had some bomb ass foods. I had a Bob which is like eggs Florentine and regular eggs Benedict combined. Soooooo good. Then we went to the Star Wars exhibit which was super cool. Then there was Nachos and baking and Whip It and today was V-Day and it was aight.

Stacey and Me

Luke's prosthetic hand!

Storm trooper!

Vader with a storm trooper in his soul!

...removed his beautiful black visage to reveal a feeble crusty old white man!

No one wants to buy R2 and the siny guy...

The siny guy always worries.

Jeff played a game where he had to see if he could successfully harvest water and live on Tatooine. (He can!) Today at work Donnie and I were talking about if the world is going to end in 2012 and I just kept thinking when God (Big G as we call him) comes down to judge us I'm going to be sitting in a lawn chair sipping a Cosmo and holding a sign that says "Calmer than you are, God."

Day 110

2010-02-11T01:24:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling particularly nostalgic this evening. I have a list of like 15 license plates, most of which came from the same day, but I'm tired and sad poop so maybe tomorrow. My hair smells like hot hair. I chi'd it this morning and it's been smelling all warm all day. Not in a bad way, just in a noticeable way. If not for little red underlines I would've spelled noticeable as noticable because who needs that extra e? I want to see Dan Savage tomorrow and I want to go out with the gays on Friday but I am poor and tired so who knows if I'll ever do fun things.Wah-wah. Those were my Debby Downer noises. Okay so we got a picture of one of the license plates so here's this just to change up the mood:

I'm serious.

Day 104

2010-02-04T21:08:00.000-08:00

Today while trying to order auto repair books for Dodge trucks (1974-1993), the customer (TJ, a tall and slender black man wearing a beanie and flannel shirt) overstayed his welcome. It went like this:

TJ - You got a baby comin?
Me - What? No.
TJ - Oh, neva mind. I like yo shoes. They look like slippers, they slippers?
Me - Nope. They're shoes.
TJ - Oh, well they cute.
Me - Thanks.
TJ - Y'all hirin?
Me - (hands over application)

10 minutes later at the Newsstand

TJ - You got a boyfren?
Me - No. But I'm not looking for one.
TJ - Oh you ain't lookin?
Me - No.
TJ - I like you, you clean lookin and real pretty.
Me - Thanks.
TJ - (hands me a piece of paper with his name and number on it) You look clean, I like that.
Me - (turns red, most uncomfortable ever) Uhhhh thanks.
TJ - Maybe you could gimme yo numba so we could talk or whatever.
Me - That would be really inappropriate because I'm at work. But I've got your number so I'll keep that in mind. Have a good night.
TJ - (finally walks away)

Under any other set of circumstances I might assume TJ was hitting on me to try and make me feel better about calling me a fat ass via pregnancy inquiry. However, people who are just trying to boost self esteem don't get too close, give you their phone number and tell you you're clean looking. Crazy people do that. Also, does clean looking mean, "I'm pretty sure you ain't got no STD's" or "I think mayhaps you bathed today"? Both were true but what fresh hell? They need to start teaching people in school how not to be creeps. Fucking Anchorage.

Day 103

2010-02-04T00:07:00.000-08:00

Daily license plate update: EYECU and KGBSPY (I think they're onto me!)

I just pulled out five gray hairs and then decided I had to stop so as not to end up bald. What fresh hell is going on with my hair pigment?! I'm considering interviewing for the head cashier position at work. More than one person has offered me unsolicited support and with those free strokes to my ego I believe comes follow through. I'm still not one hundred percent sure but I'll work on my letter of intent just in case. My eyes are sleepy. I'mma do the right thing and try to sleep about it.

Also Day 102

2010-02-03T02:16:00.000-08:00

Between Jewel Lake and Midtown I saw the license plates 4TRACI and ADOBO. Actually those were between Jewel Lake and Minnesota which is probably like a mile and a half, two miles tops. But I mean seriously, adobo? According to Wiki: Adobo is Spanish for sauce or seasoning or marinade used in Latin America and Southwest U.S.-style cooking. The noun form describes a marinade or seasoning mix.

Day 102

2010-02-02T19:26:00.000-08:00

I probably should have made a post commemorating my 100th day just like how everyone yells at the President for not fixing everything in 100 days, we should all be held accountable for whatever we do or do not do in a hundred day period. Shut it down, America! Anyway, saw a license plate the other day that said NYAN. Like Ryan with an N? I don't know. I called in sick to work today. I don't like doing that but I really haven't felt well all day. Hopefully it's gone by the morning because I can't afford to miss another day, I mean somebody has to feed the children and it certainly isn't their deadbeat dad so it's all up to me. Hahah that's not funny because it's other people's real lives. Oh Jill. I'm off to Jeff and Mel's to watch all the V. Mars we can stand.

Day 98

2010-01-30T02:15:00.000-08:00

Had dinner at Romano's. The food was good but over priced and the drinks were suuuuuper lame and weak sauce. But it was nice and leisurely and Melanie and I got to hang out with other girls which almost never happens. Then Kimly and Stacey took an hour and a half to play one game of pool but we had a lot of fun blabbing and listening to The Hangover in the background. I mentioned it was the longest game of pool ever and Stacey said, "We started around 10:30 so it's been an hour and a half," to which Kimly responds, "That's almost like two hours." She may say silly things, but she also provides rad accessories:

Mom, this is why I gauged my ears, I just didn't know it.

Yeah, those are glow stick earrings.

Also Day 97

2010-01-29T02:55:00.000-08:00

I've decided to start keeping track of all the personalized license plates I see because it's getting to be ri-god-damn-diculous how many there are and how stupid they are. Today's features: H8W8N and HE 4GVZ.

Day 97

2010-01-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

Grilled cheese tomato, feta, bagel. Cream of broccoli soup.

Janis Joplin. Arcade Fire. Destiny's Child.

Happy.

Day 96

2010-01-28T03:09:00.000-08:00

I'm watching The Sweetest Thing. Makes me miss Rach extra. The other morning I woke up at 11:30 and looked out my window and the sun looked like this (except better):

The subtitles are on and my DVD remote is wherever Mark probably put it and then forgot about so I can't change it. It's just on stupid English so I'm not even learning anything. What's up you bitches and hos and losers? Tonight Jon called me a Tyranno-whore-us Rex because I didn't answer my phone when he called. That seems fair.

Day 92

2010-01-24T04:14:00.000-08:00

I have heartburn like whoa. My tummy is itchy. Alaska is cold. Everyone I meet is like "Why would you move here, it's so cold and terrible?!" and I just have to wonder why they live here if that's how they feel. I met a girl tonight who said the cold makes her want to die. Sweet girl, but all I can think is move away or somethings. I just want to watch Down With Love forever. But alas, I must work in the morning. Le sigh.

Day 91

2010-01-23T03:24:00.000-08:00

Today at work I had several revelations that I was sure would prove to be vital information for your everyday life. I then proceeded to forget all of them. So now I will make crap up. When you're wearing a watermelon bonnet, be sure to leave the sun flowers in the cat. If you don't know how crayons eat butterflies, then you don't know any shake of a nickel. I don't have to work tomorrow and I am so happy to be able to sleep in. I'm going to try really hard to also accomplish things, but mostly I'm gonna sleep my ass off. I've been having this problem where I think babies are cute. I mean, what is that about? I just keep smiling at them like a crazy person and I can tell that even though they're babies they know I'm a nutter butter! Stupid know it all babies. I really need a massage. I also really need to pay off my credit cards and never buy anything again. It is currently 4°F outside, I'd probably punch a house elf in the ear for a Snuggie right now. If you ask someone from Eagle River, Palmer, Wasilla, etc in what "city and state" their Barnes & Noble membership is listed they invariably respond, "The Valley." Thanks for all your help, jerks. The valley is no kind of city. Also, thanks to Jon these are now things that I've seen:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Makes me want to drive 8 hours to watch college hockey games in Fairbanks. Almost.

Day 86

2010-01-17T23:25:00.000-08:00

Listening to Map of June sooooo much. Brittany left last night and it makes me sad but this visit was epic. Let me show you.

First night down town.

Engagement photo.

DANGER ZONE!

On the road to Girdwood.

Mmmm coastal roads.

House art near Alyeska.

Take the tram!

After the Beer and Barleywine Festival.

Ice sculptures in town square.

Random drunk boy offers to take our picture...

And proceeds to hit on us for 11 minutes.

Being too azn to high five BC.

Jeffy talking to Melly.

Time to go home!

Last morning of Brittany time.

Tattoos!

YES! Also ouch.

Day 84

2010-01-15T00:29:00.001-08:00

Day 83

2010-01-14T01:44:00.000-08:00

Brittany and I are loving this shit.

Awesome American Idol audition.

Day 81

2010-01-12T01:31:00.000-08:00

Don't worry mom, I didn't drink that whole bottle of Jameson by myself. I'm pretty sure my faithful readers understand that I got jokes and they are probably not too inclined to assume I'm a lush. And if they are I forgive them. Anyway, because I want to share them with a side of because my mother doesn't like looking at me holding a bottle of hooch I present to you the following pictorial:

Caribou.

BC trekkin through the snowbanky driveway.

The view from Alyeska.

Seriously this shit is real.

Day 78

2010-01-08T21:44:00.000-08:00

B. Carter is here. The party is starting.

Day 77

2010-01-07T23:04:00.000-08:00

How you gonna cut my baby off before her hoochy pop?! All I do is watch SNL on hulu and The Office on Netflix and listen to podcasts of NPR shows on iTunes. It's possible that my use of technology makes me just as anti social as video games for boys. And by video games I mean WoW and by boys I mean Luke. But that's hardly the point. I'm very excited for Brittany to be here. We will do things that would probably be not safe for me to do alone. Like playing on the frozen lake during the night times. And like going out on the town, shorties in the club, pocket full of bud and whatnot. Hahaha I just looked up the lyrics to that song. It actually goes: You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub. What the crap is bub? Bubonic plague juice? Bubbles? Ohh. Bubbles. Like champagne. More champs yo, hip hip. If you didn't know I wasn't a crazy person, you might think I was a crazy person after reading this. Well I'm not, okay? I will give to you tales of wonder as my time with Brittany produces them. For now I bid you adieu because I want to be asleep at grandma times instead of Jill times.

Also Momma Meghan just sent me awesome quote from a book with I title I can't say because it's the dirtiest word on earth but I'll tell you the quote I will, "From all the things I've heard about Jesus he sounds like a pretty decent sort. He looks nice in most of his pictures. You can tell Adolf Hitler and George Washington were dickheads just by looking at them. But looking at Jesus, he seems cool." Which reminds me of this ridiculous video from back when I watched flash videos (with swears):

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Day 73

2010-01-04T01:33:00.000-08:00

Tonight we went to see Avatar in 3D. It was sold out so instead we saw Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day. Again. Don't get me wrong it is a great movie, totally worth the $3 each time I saw it but still a little silly. Especially because I have to wake up at 6:30am (AHHH!) for my very first 7:55am shift at the Nobe. Brittany comes on Friday. I'm still in a bit of disbelief. This is gonna be the ballin-est shit, ever! But I seriously need to research what there is to do round here. So far I know we must go to Bear Tooth, preferably when Fantastic Mr. Fox is playing. For $3. One thing I love about Anchorage is despite the general cost of living being rather steep, there are hella three dollar movies. I also love the mountains. And my family. Things I don't love include but are not limited to: Distance from loved ones, lack of cellular service, plethora of toothless people and zero Victoria's secret stores DURING THE SEMI ANNUAL SALE. Hmph. I want to get a tattoo when Brittany's in town (sorry mom). Amidst some brainstorming (attempting to juice my mind grapes) Meghan told me to get a tattoo of her face, I agreed it was a good idea and suggested it be placed on my bum. She called me a whore.

Day 68!

2009-12-30T03:40:00.000-08:00

(Warning: This post is excessively parenthetical)

Today, (December 29th technically) was Kris with a K's birthday. So a shout out and a happy one to him! I think it's time for a picture post. Are y'all ready for this shit? Because it's comin' atchya (Cleopatra). I make all kinds of references that make sense to a maximum 2% of my audience at any given time. I hope that's okay, because more probably than not I'll keep doing it anyway. I kind of did a crap job at taking Christmas pictures, but you'll get what I give you okay?! Anyway, I'm finally getting over this stupid cold and that is great news. I also really like my job and really hope I get to keep it now that the holidays are over. Did Christmas come and go ridiculously fast for anyone else? I'm trippin balls and whatnot. I can't believe mom and Grandma are leaving in like 12 hours. Yikesabee.

(The first two pictures!) I found some pictures on a random SD card and they were from my going away party in Bremerton which was amazing and the fullest of love and Beatles Rock Band (synonymous). (Then it's on to Chrstms.)

Jaymes, Ashley and Dexter.

Jack, Rachel and Nils.

Jeff in his new Rescue Rangers shirt playing with Chunk's face.

My mom and me and my one (and kind of a half) dimple.

OMG Jeff and Mel got me a Chi which was a bomb surprise!

The original Japanese cast recording of my fav musical on vinyl (!)

Mom got me sweet artwork on the back of a Graham Nash record.

RIP Swayze and Farley

Mom and I have gay cell phone pillows together.

My beautiful Brittany Carter might come to Alasky!

And in my dreams Brittany Carter and John Olson
will both come to stay with me and it makes me
the happiest queen this world has ever seen.